Even after the baby stops crying or the deadline passes, your body might still be stuck in stress mode. Read on to find out why and what you can do about it…

 

Do you regularly find yourself feeling exhausted, wound up and on edge, even after you’ve tackled that demanding work project or finally got the children settled? You’re not going mad – you might simply have an incomplete stress cycle.
Understanding the difference between stressors and stress is crucial for working parents.
A stressor is the thing that causes your stress – whether it’s external like a crying baby, looming deadline, sick parent, or sitting in traffic, or internal like your own assumptions, expectations, fears, or anger.
Stress, however, is your body’s physical and emotional response to that situation. It’s the racing heart, tense shoulders, and that feeling of being constantly “switched on” – your body’s ancient fight, flight, or freeze response activated by modern-day challenges.
Here’s what many of us don’t realise: removing the stressor doesn’t automatically switch off the stress response. Your body might still be stuck in fight-or-flight mode long after the crisis has passed. This happens because we haven’t completed what researchers call the “stress cycle.”
The brilliant Nagoski sisters, in their book “Burnout: Solve the Stress Cycle,” describe stress as being like a tunnel – you need to go all the way through it to reach the other side. Without completing this cycle, you’re carrying that accumulated tension into your next meeting, your evening with the family, and even your sleep.

The good news? Completing the stress cycle doesn’t require hours of self-care or expensive treatments.

Here are four simple methods that work:

  1. **Physical activity** is the most efficient cycle closer. This could be a brisk 10-minute walk, dancing whilst cooking dinner, or even doing some stretches between video calls.
  2. **Deep breathing** helps reset your nervous system. Try the 4-4-8 technique: breathe in for four counts, hold for four, then exhale for eight.
  3. **Positive social interaction** works wonders. A genuine laugh with a colleague, a proper hug from your partner, or even a brief chat with a neighbour can help discharge that built-up stress energy.
  4. **Creative expression** gives your mind a different outlet. This might be jotting thoughts in a journal, doodling during phone calls, or having a quick sing-along in the car.

The key isn’t avoiding stress – that’s impossible as a working parent. It’s about learning to complete the cycle, so stress doesn’t accumulate in your body and lead to burnout.
Can you pick one “cycle closer” that takes under five minutes, and build it into your day like you do brushing your teeth? Perhaps it’s a quick walk after difficult meetings, or three minutes of deep breathing before school pickup. Experiment and see what works for you to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your future self will thank you.

 

This article was written by Rachel Stern, a certified Parental Burnout Coach and partner coach with Careering into Motherhood. I specialise in helping parents recognise the signs to prevent and recover from Parental Burnout whilst building sustainable stress management strategies.

For more information about Rachel and to find out about working with her as a Coach, visit her page here.

June 24, 2025