Here’s a sure-fire way to rediscover that elusive attribute….
How many times have you thought “I wish I had more confidence”. Maybe at work or in your social life, but you tell yourself “I’m just not a confident person” or “I just don’t have the confidence to do X or Y”.
We’ve all been there. We can all think like this.
The good news is that this isn’t a permanent state. It is not who you are. Or rather, it doesn’t have to be.
Yes, it might be that right now you aren’t feeling confident but I’d be willing to bet money on the fact that it’s not that you’ve never been confident, or that not being a confident person is written into your DNA.
Let’s take a step back: What is confidence anyway?
Confidence is, as the OED defines: Firm trust; feeling of reliance or certainty; sense of self-reliance, boldness.
The understanding here is that confidence comes from knowing. It is evidence-based.
That’s why I will work with my clients to look at a time when they have been able to do ‘that thing’ they don’t feel confident in, such as speaking up in meetings or going for that promotion.
This gives us some evidence to work with. And we will work hard on this, using different neuroscientific approaches, to really find, understand and believe in the proof that they have been confident.
We learn that they just aren’t experiencing that confidence right now. They’ve lost that feeling of reliance or certainty. That self-reliance and boldness. And they have, without doubt, lost that trust in themselves.
Now you work to build that confidence…….through courage.
Courage is the “readiness to face and capacity to endure danger or difficulty”.
This danger or difficulty is the unknown. It is doing something without knowing what will happen next (whether that contribution in a meeting will be well received or you get that promotion) but just by stepping into that, by trying, you are showing you are ready to face what comes.
You are displaying courage.
Courage comes from action. However small.
So, once you’ve taken that action… It’s there. Done. Courage = Ö
Confidence is something that will come from courage.
It is a sheep, a follower. It’s a fabulous by-product of courage. And what’s great about courage is that you only need a tiny bit of it to go forwards, not the buckets of confidence you tell yourself you need.
So just try, in spite of the fear. Lean into your courage and just try it because courage is a leader. And even when small, courage is mighty.
This article was written by Hannah Porteous-Butler, one of Careering into Motherhood’s Partner Coaches. Hannah provides career and life coaching for individual clients and organisations. She offers free discovery calls for prospective clients. Find out more on her profile page.
February 23, 2023