In the whirlwind of motherhood, have you ever paused to wonder, “Who even am I now that I’m a mama?” Whether you’re navigating those intense early stages or finally coming up for air, this question often lingers, quietly demanding attention.

I’ve been there myself – feeling like I would never find the way back to me again. But that time did come. The journey to rediscovering yourself can take time, intention, and lots of self-compassion, so it’s okay if you’re not there yet.

Recognising the Loss 

But before we delve into reclaiming our identity, let’s first acknowledge matrescence – the profound transformation that happens when we become mothers. Much like adolescence, matrescence encompasses many physical, emotional, and psychological changes, that can leave us feeling lost in the shuffle of motherhood’s demands.

It’s okay to admit it – motherhood changes us in ways we never could have imagined.  

The roles and responsibilities often overshadow other aspects of our identity, leaving us feeling adrift. But acknowledging that loss is the first step. The truth is that you will never go back to the same person you were before you became a mama, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to wave goodbye to her completely.

Reconnecting with You 

So, how do we find ourselves amidst the chaos of motherhood? It starts with small, intentional steps.

Take care of yourself. It sounds like a no-brainer, but before we can even begin to regain a sense of identity, we need to make sure our basic needs are being met – eating well, staying hydrated, making that doctor’s appointment (and sticking to it!).

Reflect on what makes you feel like You. Who were you before you became a mama and what aspects of your identity are important? Consider the things, places or people that bring you joy. What gives you energy, makes you feel fulfilled and aligns with your values?

Carve out pockets to nurture your identity. Even small versions of the things that make you feel like yourself can make a big difference. Whether it’s sneaking in a yoga session during naptime, putting on a slick of bold-coloured lipstick in the morning, listening to a few minutes of an audiobook, or dancing round the kitchen to your favourite song.

Embrace who you are becoming. Rather than viewing identity loss as a negative experience, let’s reframe it as a natural part of matrescence. Instead of losing who we were, let’s think of it as growing into who we’re meant to be.

And remember, matrescence is a transition. It takes time so don’t expect to nail it straight away. Be patient, show yourself compassion as you evolve and get to know this next version of yourself.

This article is by Katrina Court, one of our partner coaches.

Katrina is an ICF-certified coach, Mama Rising™ Matrescence Facilitator and mother of one. She works with mums who feel invisible, frustrated, and depleted by the early years of motherhood supporting them to understand their matrescence, connect to their new identity, redefine success, and feel equipped with the tools and mindset to live a reimagined version of their motherhood.

You can find out more and book a free exploratory session through her profile page.