I still remember the moment I was introduced at one of the grounding principles of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP): “The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.”

This has led me to go on and qualify as an NLP practitioner many years ago and still guides all my interactions daily.

Simply put, it doesn’t matter what you intended to say; what truly matters is how the listener interprets and responds to it. If your message doesn’t land as intended, it’s your responsibility to adjust your communication so it lands as intended. This principle gave me an instant mindset shift, as I could think of numerous instances in both my professional and personal interactions where there was a clear gap between what I meant to say and how the message landed or was interpreted.

Often this simple mismatch brought a lot of confusion and upset for both the sender and received of the message. How can we ensure our message is received exactly as intended? After 2 decades as a mindset coach, coupled with my experiences as a mother—and an ongoing obsession with this subject—I’ve packed my learnings into three practical strategies that can dramatically reduce drama and bring more clarity and desired outcomes in your everyday communications at home and work.

The biggest breakthroughs were brought in by using Clean Language Questions. Clean Language is a psychotherapy, counselling and coaching technique, I qualified in, created by counselling psychologist David Grove.

1) Meet Them Where They Are

Resist the urge to fill in the blanks based on your assumptions. Instead, invite clarification with questions like, “What do you mean by…?” or “Is there anything else about that?” These questions are just as effective when you’re learning about your child’s day at school as they are in understanding a partner’s work dilemma or a client’s project needs. This approach ensures that your family and colleagues feel recognised, valued and understood, which helps them to open up about their experiences. It helps you to construct a realistic landscape of what is going on for them rather that guessing or relying on your own assumptions.

2) Use Their Own Words

While it might be tempting to paraphrase for efficiency, doing so can dilute the speaker’s original meaning and emotional nuance. Words carry the weight of personal experience, and echoing these words back to the speaker can bring an immediate sense of being heard, respected, and understood. This practice is invaluable, whether you’re interacting with family and friends or engaging at a work meeting. Reflecting someone’s words back at them strengthens trust and rapport, crucial for nurturing healthy relationships across all facets of life.

3) Acknowledge Their Problem And Facilitate A Solution

Often, our first instinct is to offer solutions. Instead, try asking the other person for their solution first. This can be as simple as saying, “When [problem], what would you like to happen next?” This approach is effective whether you’re addressing an upset child, a dissatisfied customer, or a friend who feels stuck. It shifts the focus from the problem to potential solutions, in the same sentence empowering the other person to articulate their desired outcome. This not only reduces misunderstandings but also encourages independence and confidence in problem-solving.

4) Understand how Communication Impacts Relationships

Effective communication goes beyond the mere exchange of information; it is a brilliant opportunity for the other side to feel valued, respected, and safe.

These emotional experiences are crucial for building strong, lasting relationships. When we communicate effectively, we acknowledge the other person’s perspective, validate their feelings, and show respect for their contributions, which fosters a sense of safety and trust.

Clean up your communication at work, with family, or among friends, and see misunderstandings dramatically reduce and collective learning increase by deepening connections and ensuring everyone involved feels supported and understood.

By stepping outside the usual patterns of hurried responses and quick fixes, you open up space for meaningful engagement where solutions can arise organically. This clean approach to communication not only reduces misunderstandings, but also enriches your relationships across all areas of life. I invite you to try these strategies and share your experiences.

How have they changed your interactions? Drop me a line at hi@ekaterinaward.com and let’s continue the conversation.

 

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