We’ve all been there. Everything is “fine”. There is nothing to complain about. But you’re just not “feeling it”.

In fact, you know the lyrics from the classic Rolling Stones song all too well.  It’s as if Mick is there, in person, singing inside your head.

Sound familiar? Want Mick to leave you the h**l alone? So did I.

I knew I was OK. I had just lost sight of myself. I was lost.

But there’s an easy way to find your way back…. here’s what to do:

1.Find what you care about.

I’m a big believer in Values work. Values are what is most important to us in life.  Our values change over time so even if you think you know your core values, take some time to check in on them now.

Our core values help create our motivation, enthusiasm and focus (amongst many other things). It’s when we are out of alignment with these that we can feel ‘out of sorts’ in some, or all, areas of life. That’s why it’s important to understand and honour these wherever possible.

Once you do reacquaint yourself with your values, I suggest finding or creating a visual representation of them. Put this in an accessible place to give you regular reminders. Be sure to change the representation or move it regularly to guarantee the effectiveness of the tool.

You might like to try my free values exercise.


2. Aim to do less

We can all set ourselves the most unrealistic targets. We start to undertake housework or life admin after a 12- hour day of parenting and working.

These are all things that might need doing, but maybe not WHEN we think they do and not IN THE WAY we think they should be done.

So, when faced with a new task, start by asking yourself:

  • “Does this really need to be done NOW”
  • “Does this ALL have to be done (now)”
  • “Does it have to be done so well?”

Doing less might mean lowering your expectations of yourself. It might even mean lowering your standards.

I considered lowering my expectations of myself, and my standards, a price I was willing to pay to feel that sense of achievement, rather than disappointment again.  To feel better, not worse.

3. Be self-compassionate

This is probably the trickiest step but by far the most helpful.

How do you do even do this?

I suggest trying not to listen to your inner critic. Talk to yourself with kindness. Start small.

But, the real secret?

Acknowledge your efforts.  ALL of them. See all the things you HAVE done, not what you haven’t.

This might be as simple as getting the kids dressed and fed (even if you aren’t!).

It’s the effort you want to be interested in, not the end result.

4. Practise

Practise makes Progress.

In order for anything to take effect, you need to practise, practise, practise.

Kolb’s Learning Cycle tells us:


Experiencing is necessary for learning. Practising helps to strengthen the neural networks and reinforce and embody our learning.


If you want to talk more about feeling lost and want support to rediscover your identity, please get in touch via my website.

This article was written by our partner coach, Hannah Porteous-Butler, book a discovery call here https://calendly.com/hannahcoaching2022/introcall?month=2023-01.