Over the years, I’ve worked with so many bright, talented women – driven, creative, capable – doing brilliant things in their careers. And yet, beneath the surface, many of them carry a quiet struggle that feels too personal, too shameful to speak aloud: a difficult relationship with food.

It’s often not about hunger in the physical sense. It’s about emotional hunger – a longing for rest, reassurance, connection, or simply a break from always being the strong one.
We learn early on, especially as women, to prioritise performance over presence. To be good, responsible, and productive. To take care of everyone else’s needs while quietly pushing our own to the side. Food becomes a place where all those repressed feelings – stress, overwhelm, loneliness, sadness and even celebration – go to land.

You might finish a long day and find yourself standing in the kitchen eating when you’re not hungry, or skipping meals during busy workdays, only to binge in the evening. It’s not a lack of willpower – it’s your body and mind trying to self-soothe, to cope, to find comfort. It could be a way to feel instant pleasure to repress more uncomfortable feelings. It’s a coping strategy to avoid attending to something that is too difficult to face.

When I work with women on this, we don’t start by focusing on food. We get curious. What are you really hungry for? Is it comfort? Freedom? Validation? Guilt? Other needs which have been abandoned? A sense that you’re doing okay – even if no one says it?

With the rise of positive psychology in recent years, especially in the Western world, we’ve been led to believe that we should always aim for happiness and joy. That we should be positive, grateful, high-vibe – all the time. And so when we feel anxiety, sadness, anger, or shame – anything uncomfortable – we think something’s wrong with us. That we’ve failed somehow.

In that context, it’s no wonder we turn to coping strategies to avoid these feelings. Disordered eating is one of them. It’s a way of managing what feels too difficult to attend to.

But these feelings don’t just go away. They don’t disappear because we ignore them or eat over them, or push them down. They’re part of being human. And in fact, they often hold valuable messages – about what we need, what we care about, what’s not being tended to. The healing begins when we start giving those feelings space, rather than trying to fix or silence them. When we learn to feel them, instead of feeding over them.

So often, I see disordered eating not as a personal failure, but as a wise (if imperfect) coping strategy that helped someone survive. But it’s not meant to be a life sentence.

When I work with women on this, we explore not just the ‘what’ of the eating patterns, but the ‘why’. The deeper needs, the emotional layers, the learned responses. And from that place, change becomes possible – not through force, but through self-understanding.

Through therapeutic coaching, we gently untangle these patterns, understanding the emotional stories behind them, reconnecting with values, and building new ways to meet needs. No shaming. No rigid rules. Just deeper awareness and compassion.
Healing is possible. And it doesn’t come from more discipline – it comes from meeting yourself with honesty and care.

Because you deserve more than just surviving. You deserve to feel full in all the ways that matter. And you deserve a life where your emotions are welcome, not something to be managed or muffled with food.

If you are ready to go deeper, explore the roots of your habits and find effective strategies to change them, contact Olga directly at https://opentochange.uk/.

Olga is a Therapeutic coach, bridging the solution-focused approach of coaching with the therapeutic depth that fosters deep, lasting change. She helps her clients break unwanted habits and gain freedom from self-destructive patterns. Find out more about working with Olga and the ways she helps clients, via her profile page here on our website.

May 21, 2025