Working mums; imposter syndrome hits hard. Here’s how to lean in with kindness, not self-criticism.

 

I know that voice well.
The one that pipes up when you’re about to speak in a meeting, pitch an idea, or apply for the role that feels a little bit ‘beyond you’.

The one that whispers (or shouts) “Who do you think you are?”
Imposter syndrome isn’t a sign that you’re not capable, most often it’s a sign that you care. It shows up at the edge of our comfort zone, in moments (big and small) where something matters enough to make you wobble.
As a coach working with ambitious women, I see this pattern all the time, particularly when it comes to mums.
Sometimes it’s women stepping into new roles, returning from maternity leave, considering starting their own business or getting to the point in which they really want to give themselves permission to want more (to be clear, not more ‘mental load’ or more general ‘life admin’ – we all know there’s already faaaar too much of that!), more for YOU.

Stepping away from ‘just a mum’ (to be clear NO ONE is EVER ‘just a mum’) then being held back by that all too familiar doubt, the questioning yourself, the hesitating just that moment too long – best just leave things as they are, hey?
No. Whilst our instinct can be to back away, what if the kinder thing was to stay?
Here are three ways to lean in with self-kindness when the imposter shows up:

  1. Name it, don’t shame it
    Say out loud (even just to yourself): “Ah, that’s my imposter syndrome saying hi.” (I even NAMED mine – Gertrude). Labelling helps create a little distance as well as turning into something less ‘scary’ (which let’s face it, we know it can be!).
  2. Anchor in evidence
    Keep a “proof file”, a list of things you’ve done that scared you but worked out anyway. It might be praise from a manager or colleagues. A tricky situation you handled with calmly (even though you felt far from it!), that time you thought you couldn’t… but did. Your inner critic thrives on vague doubt, evidence helps to quieten that noise.
  3. Channel your best mate
    When self-confidence isn’t forthcoming, intentionally let self-kindness in. If your best friend were in your shoes, what would you say to her or him?
    Say that to yourself.

It might feel a little clunky to begin with, over time it will lessen the power your ‘Gertrude’ has on you.

Imposter syndrome may never vanish and personally I think that’s no bad thing BUT it doesn’t have to be in charge. When you meet it with kindness and curiosity instead of ‘fact’ and cementing negative thoughts about yourself, you shape it into something manageable.
This isn’t saying you have to become ‘fearless’ or never doubt yourself (that’s part of what keeps us human), it’s about extending YOURSELF enough kindness to stay in the (proverbial) room.

 

If you’re a working mum navigating the juggle and striving for more without burning out, Frantic to Fulfilled might be for you. It’s not about fixing you, you’re not broken. It’s about creating space for you to define and live YOUR all, imposter and all. Message me or see my bio for more details.

 

Kim Stokes is a Partner Coach with Careering into Motherhood. She works with women to help them redefine success on their terms, her specialist areas include self-compassion, self-kindness, handling imposter syndrome and helping her clients to see their own value.  Visit her profile page here for more about how she works and helps clients and to read more of her articles.

June 3, 2025