How to approach your return-to-work conversation.

The best thing you can do to improve your chance of getting what you want is: to know what you want.  Before agreeing your return-to-work arrangements with your line manager, I would heartily recommend understanding what’s vital for you, what’s up for negotiation and where you are undecided.  If you haven’t done this yet, my previous blog provides you a Return to Work Reflection List.

There are loads of variables at play here: your relationship with your manager, your organisation’s culture, your experience of maternity leave, support available to you etcetera etcetera. I have had the pleasure of working with a diverse group of clients who are returning to work.  Some heading straight into a promotion to partnership, some planning to make an imminent career pivot and others who are looking to find a semblance of balance that means something to them.  Whatever your situation and motivation, these tips will help you put your best foot forward walking into your conversation with your line manager.

Generous expectations 

If Brené Brown is selling it, then I am buying! In Living BIG she highlights the importance of being generous in one’s assumptions of people – their behaviours and intentions.  This isn’t advocating for naivety; she pairs generous assumptions with “standing in my integrity and being very clear about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable”.

Your return to work offers you something close to a fresh start.  If you were starting over, how would you want to approach how you relate to your role and how you relate to your line manager and colleagues?

As much as you can, enter this conversation with an open mind.  Give space for possibility.  It might be a hard conversation; you might not get what you want but also perhaps you will.  Leave room for the possibility that this conversation could unlock a new understanding or way of working with your manager.

Clear communication 

By being ambiguous in your wants and needs, you leave your line manager guessing.  They may not be a parent / have different priorities to you.  By being clear, you put your manager in a better position to meet your generous assumptions.

Try to remove the grey areas and mind reading by talking through what is important to you and, if you’re making one, details of your flexible working request.

Solutions- mindset

Your perfect match for clearly communicating what you want is a solutions-mindset. Consider any problems your employer or manager might have with your idea. Hopefully you’ve had a chance to connect before the meeting and have a steer on the challenges that the team/your manager is facing.  Lead with the benefits and solutions and suggest how you’ll hold yourself accountable for delivery.  Talk to your colleagues in your organisation and those in a similar industry and ask about their family-friendly arrangements. If their arrangements are working well, you could use them as examples in support of your request.

This may look something like….

  • “A proposed way of working I would like to discuss is…
  • This is important to me as it would enable me to…
  • Some of the benefits of this, for the team/organisation/clients, are… (role modelling balance, clarity on when there will be cover, availability for key meets/projects)
  • Having thought through how this could impact the business/team I would suggest… (review period, clear objectives, learning from others who have made this work, proposed structure for communicating…)
  • I am keen to understand your thoughts on what could work.  Do you need any further information?”

 

Empathy and listening

The focus of this conversation, is, and should be, you.  However, giving some time to listen to what is important to your manager is really valuable – for your relationship and so you can bring informed solutions.

Hopefully you have had chance to use your KIT days and connect with your line manager before initiating talks about your return to work.

Some questions you may want to ask?

  • If/how have your priorities changed while I have been on leave?
  • What are you proud of?
  • Is there anything that is keeping you up at night?
  • Are there any changes, challenges or opportunities coming up that I should be aware of?
  • Where can I have most impact/add value when I return?
  • Who are the key stakeholders and what are the key updates/meetings you want me to prioritise?
  • Do you have any advice on the best way of reintegrating?

 

Personal and professional development

Before you return to work, is a period of great opportunity to scope opportunities for learning and career development (before the operational to do list has fully taken hold).  Here’s an opportunity to talk career goals.

You may want to use this time to reacclimatise, bed in a new routine for you and your family and get back into the swing of things.  In which case, orientate the conversation around support available to you, knowledge and skills refresh opportunities and stating specific areas and subjects you would like to get involved in.

Alternatively, you may also be returning with a promotion, a lateral move or a change in career direction in mind.  In which case, explore what support is available to you, leadership development and stretch opportunities that you can take on.

Be open to review

If you are anything like me, motherhood has unleashed a greater craving for a sense of permanency and clarity.  I think this is a natural reaction to welcoming in a cute but utterly chaotic and unpredictable force of nature into one’s home!

When it comes to your return to work conversation, it is helpful to have an open attitude to review and evaluation of whether things are working.  It is likely built into a flexible working policy anyway and although it can be reassuring to have everything set in stone, showing  that you are open to review and feedback can go a long way.

Once you’ve made your return it’s also a good idea to set in a time to reflect on how things are working for you, personally, as you’re-onboard’ into the organisation:

  • To what extent am I able to meet my work and home priorities?
  • What’s working?
  • What’s challenging?
  • Have I really prioritised? Or am I trying to do everything?
  • Am I getting the support I need?
  • Is there a sense of belonging?

Potential derailers

Before we close off with some practical prompts, I wanted to flag a common theme that comes up with some of my coaching clients as they consider their return to work.   A need to ‘prove oneself’, ‘show they can still do it’ and ‘hit the ground running’ often emerges.  This way of thinking often brings with it self-doubt about whether they still have the skills, mindset and ambition to meet the challenge.

If you feel this pressure: fear combo, please know you are not alone.  Imposter syndrome and changes in how you see yourself in your career, do not make you an imposter – it makes you human and it’s a product of society’s barmy expectations.  The antidote to this is kindness and finding a safe place to air these feelings out.

I would encourage you to review your achievements before you went on leave, consider where you add value and bring this thinking into your conversation with your line manager.  Your return to work should not be laced with apology and you do not need to compensate for your parental status.

Practical prompts

Some practical consideration before you return to work:

  • Read any relevant policies – know your rights and options.
  • Write to your manager ahead of your meeting and state what you would like to discuss (e.g. working  arrangements, what’s important to them, key deliverables and how you can make a successful return and the support available to help you).  This gives your manager scope to swot up on relevant policies and start thinking practically about your role.
  • Before you return, agree and book in some annual leave so you know there will be a break!
  • Where possible, be disciplined in booking some wiggle room in your diary – space between meetings, a margin for error or reflection.  If you don’t do this now, you won’t start later.
  • Talk through how your manager wants you to communicate if your child is ill/you need to pick them up.
  • Let coworkers and clients know your work hours – for example, by including work hours or days and upcoming leave in your email signature.

This article was written by Emma Gill, one of Careering into Motherhood’s Partner Coaches. Emma provides return to work and career change coaching.  You can book a free coaching career consult here.

July 29, 2024