I am trying very hard. To meet different priorities. To carve out time for me, family, business, friends. I constantly want to do more (more work, more burpees, more cooking, more crafting…) And I am also trying very hard be less (less stressed, less bulky, less mad…).

 

When I was 11, I played an Epsilon in Doncaster Little Theatre’s production of Brave New World. My job was to silently open and close a sliding door. It was a good learning experience; the play was great and although my part was minuscule our director would always tell us “there are no small parts only small actors”. A couple of decades (and then some) later, as we are living dystopia-adjacent, I picked up some Aldous Huxley again (The Island this time). One quote really stood out to me:

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.
“So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.”

For me and many of my friends, colleagues and clients, life can feel heavy. Our to do lists and calendars are demanding, unbending and dictatorial. They are never complete and only really pause for a crisis, and when that passes there is more to be done. “Doing enough” and “being enough” feels elusive and hard won.

I am trying very hard. To meet different priorities. To carve out time for me, family, business, friends. I constantly want to do more (more work, more burpees, more cooking, more crafting…) And I am also trying very hard be less (less stressed, less bulky, less mad…). And when I want to put things down and rejuggle, I often meet a joy stealing double bind that tries to keep me on course by comparing my meagre efforts with the amazing outputs of others. Others who are seemingly more successful, coping with more and competing in Hyrox events.

It’s not all bad, I always make room for some silliness, and after years of practice I am starting to listen to my kinder, pragmatic voice. And I would be a really terrible coach if I didn’t advocate for big dreams and clear, accountable ways to make them real. However, I am reminded that although a full life is a blessing, it is not necessarily well lived when I keep getting stuck in the quicksands of my to do list. I recognise that the default settings for my outlook (both mindset and software) are not set up with much margin for error and little margin for lightness of being.

Since I have started percolate on the idea of introducing some lightness, I have adopted a practice that has been helping. If you too have felt at behest of an all-consuming list of actions and everything feels very serious, I would invite you to try them out for yourself.

Counteract the weight of the ‘to dos’ by also making a ‘to be’ list. This is a way of investing some energy and attention into your values, into how you want to approach life not just what you need to do. And the joy of it is that you can be anything – fun, patient, kind, mindful of others, proactive, organised, decadent.

I like to talk through my to do list with my daughter on the way to school “today I want to be…” I hope it provides you with a positive focus and inspiration to approach your day a little more lightly.

This article was written by Emma Gill, one of Careering into Motherhood’s Partner Coaches. Emma provides career and confidence coaching for individual clients and works with organisations to help them to create more inclusive, supportive workplaces.  If you would like to learn more, she offers  free coaching consults  for prospective clients.

 

December 2, 2024