It started to happen in those ‘in-between’ years of my late thirties. I was not young, not yet middle-aged, climbing the ladder, ambitious and high achieving. Corporate life was hard, but I felt the payoffs were satisfactory - good money, status and intellectual challenge.
But the voice whispered at me from time to time. It wondered why I wasn’t fulfilled. Why true satisfaction alluded me.
My trajectory didn’t waver. The next goal would be accomplished; the next role, pay rise, promotion. It satisfied my ambition and the voice was silenced. For a while, at least.
After a tough few years, on the cusp of burnout, I took a job to escape another. Instead of joy and excitement for a new challenge, I felt flat; indifferent. I continued to ignore the voice and couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did.
Instead, I approached things as I always had - problem solving, working hard, long hours. I worked with amazing, talented and hilarious colleagues. We were in the thick of it together, but I still felt the disconnect no matter how hard I worked.
Then the pandemic came. The hours were longer, the work harder and don’t even get me started on the home schooling shit show, but I was forced to listen. The voice returned in the quiet evenings. After the flurry and panic of the initial days locked away, I felt relief - and wondered if that was normal.
“What if you want something more, something different?” The questions came thick and fast. I wrestled with them. The answers weren’t so free flowing.
I remembered saying to a friend around that time that I thought my ambition had disappeared. It turns out I was ambitious for a different life and career. I was longing for time with my children, a slower pace, more personal fulfilment.
Wrapped up in my job was others’ expectations, status anxiety, deep-seated worry about financial security. Those all needed to be addressed before I could decide what I wanted, and it took time.
Everyone knows change is hard. But listening to my instincts was harder, and I wish I had been able to sooner.
If that sounds a bit like you as we emerge from a tough couple of years, try answering these three questions:
What would you do if you couldn’t fail?
What would you do if money was no object?
What’s the worst that could happen if you listen?
Take your time. Listen. Act when you're ready.
This article was written by career coach, Claire Vivyan Roberts.